Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I was a little unsure about this piece, until I read somewhere that this was meant to be a prologue. It does make more sense as a prologue, as it really does not follow the narration of a story. As a prologue, though this completely hits the mark. It instantly grabs the reader's attention, and I can confidently say that this is something I would like to read.
When I was a child, I wished for many things:
Someone to love
peace
happiness
friends
The formatting in this part feels a little strange to me. Even though this is just the prologue, I have never seen it being narrated in this way. It feels like you are ticking off subjects in a grocery list, and you don't want any part of your story to feel that way. So maybe, put it in a single sentence or write it some other way. Or maybe putting commas after the words would make them feel more like a part of a single sentence, placed there with a single intention.
The darkness has come and shattered my society. And also my heart.
That's a very nice hook right there. It immediately makes me want to read on in order to find out what this 'darkness' is and how it took over the narrator's life. Although, the use of darkness is rather cliched and predictable. Almost all books target darkness as the enemy that ruins everything, it is the kind of obvious road that all stories take. So maybe you can replace it with some other adjective? I don't have any in my mind right, so you will just have to take my word for it.
Overall, this was a very interesting prologue and it effectively draws in the readers. It plants the seed of curiosity in their minds and it makes them read on to know what happens next. I am sure that the story is just as good as the prologue and I wish you all the best with it!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 82352
Reviews: 659
Donate